I’ve now been asked, by actual count, thirty-seven times in the past four days what I think of the leaked previews we’ve all seen of Budweiser’s new Super Bowl ad.
I suspect everybody who has asked pretty much knows what my response will be, so let’s wrap this up quickly and get back to being horrified by the shit show in DC.
I’m not going to stoop to validating Anheuser-Busch’s cynical, manipulative, button-pushing new Super Bowl ad by posting some long, labored treatise on why this is just another sleazy ploy to get you to forget that Bud is as shitty a beer as has ever been brewed by anybody and that their entire history of business practices are a virtual textbook entitled “How To Be A Maximum Pack O’ Douchebags for Over 100 Years“. We’re not going to rehash how AB’s underhanded, backroom deals with tavern owners and distributors and grocery store chains – that continue to this day! – are intended not to compete honorably in a fair and open marketplace but to seek out and utterly destroy any sort of competition that shows some promise of taking even .0001% of their market share. Or how they brazenly continue to strip-mine that busted out vein of All-American, flag-waving bullshit, EIGHT freakin years after selling out and moving their ownership to Belgium and Brazil.
All that is a matter of open and public record and those who drink Bud and voted for Trump and cheer when people set fire to mosques and blame the world for their crappy lot in life won’t be swayed by those facts of AB’s corporate bullying any more than they are when Trump’s tsunami of crimes and sins and failures and mental illnesses are waved in front of them. They drink Bud because they (erroneously) think it’s manly and cool and they don’t give two shits for ethics and morality or fairness. And those people will be pissed off at this ad and feel that AB has abandoned their patriotic stance but they’re wrong…as usual. AB chases what sells and they know that all of us multi-millions of craft beer fans are predominantly not haters of refugees and don’t care for Trump’s tactics, so they whupped up this clever and cinematic riff to try to sway us in their favor. They’ll climb back on the “Born In America” gravy train whenever it looks expedient and profitable to do so and they’ll just assume that you won’t remember this one tiny hiccup.
And, as always, they just don’t get it.
Beer. Independence. Individual initiative. Entrepreneurial spirit. Fairness. Heart. Soul. Community pride. Building our local economies. Craftmanship. Real – not show – American spirit….and GREAT beer are the reason they’re being consistently buggered by craft brewing, not our politics and not the current climate. And NONE of the reasons we prefer craft beer and reject the Same Ol’ Same Ol’ crap are reversible.
They are stunnigly slow to grasp these essential Truths…but let’s keep this short:
There is not ONE FREAKING IOTA of truth about how AB got started in this beautifully-crafted, button-pushing, faux-sensy-poo, piece o’ trash ad.
The entire story of how AB started was nothing like this and it’s not a secret how it did come about. But AB, with its ear constantly to the ground and its corporate antennae acutely tuned to The Main Chance, has now discovered that, in America of 2017, Lying Blatantly WORKS. Bud lies here artfully and masterfully and yanks at your heartstrings as if buying Budweiser was an appeal to sponsor orphaned children in the Sudan.
This ad is pure, unadulterated bullshit.
And if you fall for it, you are a Tool.